At a store that purportedly specialises in wedding cakes
All the display cakes are noticeably dusty.

It’s a euphemism for marriage anyway…
After a few days, no matter how sweet it was at the beginning or how good it looked before you had it, once it ages a little all the grit will just leave a bad taste in your mouth.

If only you’d thought to cut them up and stick them in the freezer…

It took me the the release of the 2nd “Atlas Shrugged” film to figure it out, but Rand wasn’t trying to get at an economic problem with the philosophy of Objectivism, but a social one!

The entirety of “Atlas Shrugged” is a heavily veiled metaphor for sex! Admittedly this is less so with the, in retrospect, obviously titled “Fountainhead”. Ayn Rand is such an obvious anagram for “Any Nard” (Nard being slang for testicles).

With Freud’s work barely recognised or legitimized at that time, she had to couch the sexual terms in something people were both familiar and comfortable with: Money and Commies.

• Rearden makes a metal that is hard, impenetrable… like a condom maybe?
• Trains have long been a metaphor for penii, ever since people discovered you could watch them going through tunnels… Taggart Transcontinental Tunnels…
• Wyatt Oil is clearly a code for lubricant.

Of course Altruists are bad and stupid people in that light. Just putting themselves out there for the use of others, society as a whole definitely soon starts swimming in parasites! Of course the good guys, safe sex messages disguised as captains of industry, had to maintain rigidity throughout. Never deviating into non-heteronormative sexual practices as Collectivism is clearly a metaphor for hedonistic group sex and sodomy! The “Government” is clearly meant to be the Catholic Church, which at the time was attempting to ensure that the only method of contraception available (and therefore the only way to enforce sexual morality) were the good traditional ones: Pulling Out, Monthly Rhythm or the good ol’ PDTS or push-down-the-stairs.

It certainly makes Dagny’s and Hank’s relationship much clearer. After all, their trip across a ruined USA is clearly them seeing all their friends contract, and beome the ruined (abandoned) shells (factories) of people that have gone insane with syphillis. This is what happens when you put yourself out there to be used by anyone, sexually. You’re just loaded down by parasites, and if you put yourself out there way too far you’re probably going to get pissed on a few times too! The danger to the railway is something imminent and awful about to happen to the metaphorical penis and the only way you can keep it safe is through RATIONAL SELF INTEREST. Individualism… Clearly meant to be seen as an allusion masturbation!

Thank you direct to DVD movie “Atlas Shrugged 2: The Shruggening”!

It took me a while to realise, but Atlas Shrugged is a giant metaphorical wank!

As I approach my 30th year I’ve begun once again to contemplate religion. This isn’t any midlife crisis, priority reassessment, or self realization so much as it is people literally preaching at me…  Sometimes in my store…  Questioning my sexual identity…

But often when the more hardcore ones don’t get the hint I lay what should be the smackdown move: “actually, I was raised an orthodox jew”… Or “keys” if my phone is to be believed.
Sometimes this has the desired effect and they leave. Usually while telling me their ever loving god will have me burn in hell. And I always find it amusing that that’s the response to not being part of the club.

Whilst my particular brand of orthodoxy (courtesy of a school that could have taught the Catholic Church something about systematically sweeping paedophiles under the rug) had some interesting tidbits, the whole hell thing, or gehenna because jews have to be different, was reserved for truly horrible people where as gentiles reincarnated until they picked the right religion (and got an extra soul… Seriously… Although that’s sorta contradictory to the whole “souls choose their parents” bullshit we were fed when we complained about ours).
This reincarnation, rather than paradise, kind of explains why everyone hates jews. I understand that when the choices are between eternal paradise without cheeseburgers, or another shot along the samsara with chocolate covered bacon, figuring out which one is the actual reward for living a just life can be seriously confusing.

Christianity makes the choice much less ambiguous for non believers.
There’s no second shot.
If you’re not Catholic, but you’re still good, you go to purgatory (John Paul II did away with limbo).
If you’re not Protestant, but still good you just go to wussy hell, where there’s pineapple in the coleslaw and things are generally unpleasant.
If you’re not an Anglica, but still a good person, you go to Wales.
Etc.

At least with Islam your choices are even easier, and I am seriously considering conversion. This may come as a shock to my friends, but you should have seen this coming. If Islamic heaven comes with a ratio of virgins at 72:1 then logic dictates that their heaven is clearly San Diego Comic Con.

But the fact of the matter is I don’t really think God’s watching. That’s not to say I’m an atheist. Atheism requires as much faith ad a religious beliwf. If a God ever does show up they’ll look pretty stupid with eyes scrunched, fingers in ears, humming really loudly.
I’m not really agnostic either.  I still believe there’s some sort of greater power out there, I just don’t think it cares about us at all, if it ever sis.
I’m told the technical term for that religious position is “bitter”.

I know we often invite people in for coffee when we really mean sex, but as far as I was aware this was something done in private. An epic battle between Robert Timm’s and Nescafe.

Apparently not so much now that Starbucks has come out swinging as it were.

Not sure how many of you are aware of this but a few weeks ago, the Gloria Jeans coffee chain (which is well known to be in the pocket of one of the New Church pentecostal groups that I won’t name as they get litigatious… but they’ve got almost as much money as god) donated $30,000 to the Australian Christian Lobby specifically for their promotion of heterosexual status-quo-ing.

Whilst it’s apparnetly been policy at Starbucks’ international HQ for some time, Starbucks’ Australian arm decided they’d let people in on the supply closet where they keep the cream and straws. Starbucks support gay rights.
Whoop-de-fucking-doo. They support basic human rights that they’re technically required to by law, and in the case of Victoria, by the state’s human rights charter. I don’t normally drink at Starbucks as their so called coffee is for limp wristed twinks but it is nice to know that if you work in the company, the dick sucking to climb the corporate ladder is equal opportunity. So long as I don’t haveto eat one of their tuna melts I’m all good because those things are revolting.

But now they’ve found a way to turn their simple obligation to the law into a marketing thing.

“Come in,” Starbucks says “We won’t laugh when you ask for rainbow sprinkles and extra cream. We’re not like The Other Coffee Place that shuns you. We love your money, especially the $5 notes because they’re about the price of our horrible drinks and totally pink!”

It reeks of some mealy-mouthed PR hack pointing out because they DON’T actively discriminate they’re the good guys and they should use that. Last time I checked, NOT being an arsehole doesn’t make you the good guy. Now if Starbuck’s were to even up the score with Gloria Jeans by donating a similar, or even token, amount to a competing cause, charity or political group (Hey, The Australian Sex Party, consider asking) and pointing out that IT’S EVEN TAX DEDUCTIBLE, I’d be inclined to take them a little more seriously.

Either way it doesn’t really matter. The classy queens and quality queers tend to get their coffee from laneway cafes staffed by ex-hippies and uni-students, categories of people that always supported the right to fuck whoever you wanted because they hope maybe it’ll be them.

But what really shits me here is that all of a sudden, we’re giving companies a free pass or even extra points simply because they’re publicly supporting their own legal obligations under the requirements of operating in this country, simply rather than grumbling about it. I get it that it’s a thing for them to be pro-queer in the US. It’s a puritanical country, and there are massive societal divides on issues like this. To that end, Starbucks are fucking lucky they started out in a more liberal city like Seattle. Kurt Cobain would probably have never come up with that unique Grunge sound if he hadn’t been absolutely wired, and Starbucks is pretty sure they’r responsible.

But in Australia? Yeah, we have some people that don’t like gays. But it’s not nearly as much a problem, it’s not nearly as vitrilioc, and it’s not nearly as organised and serious a threat as it is in the US. Probably our closes ties to British culture, I’d assume, where sexualised humour, cross dressing and infantalism all seem common entertainment. By and large, Australia is amazingly accepting of queerdom in all its forms. Sure, we don’t have legalised marriage for gay people but it is honestly such a first world problem I cannot even begin to understand why it’s a battleground (it needs to be pointed out at this moment that I am anti-marriage – it’s an outmoded concept and you don’t need the state, the church or a $40,000 party to tell your friends and family you’re a committed couple… just by some shackles or something). I love this country precisely because whilst we are, as a whole, rude, uncouth, arrogant slaptards that’ll crack a joke about it we really couldn’t give a shit how you take your orgasms so long as you get up in the morning have some weetbix and some tea or coffee.

Australia: We love a cock in a frock on a rock… Now shutup, serve me my coffee, and put your scrotum back inside your bikini bottoms! When I asked for hazelnut I didn’t realise your drag name was Hazel!

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