It's ok B-9, you're in a place where you there's no danger, and you don't have to flail your arms around no more *sniff*

It seems that B-Grade cult celebrities just can’t stop dying this year. I mean, we had the warlock from Fantasy Island, and Betty Page popped off only a week ago (I tried to write a post about it, but when it ended up being over a thousand words long and none of it seemed bad enough to cut, I figured it was too long for most people).
And now the traigc passing of Bob May, best known for playing Robot B9 in Lost in Space, died yesterday.

A lot of you have absolutely no idea who is, but you’d definitely remember him flailing his arms about as Dick Tufield (the voice actor) screamed “Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!” from somewhere off camera every time Johnathan Harris (Dr Smith) got close to Billy Mum (Will Robinson). 

"Will, my dear boy, can you guess why my trousers are in absentia!?"

B-9 was quite possibly the arcehtype for a lot of the other robots out there. Elements of his design and personality are clearly evident in other more modern and equally (if not more) famous robots, such as Marvin the Paranoid Android. Let’s face it, 1960s robots were clearly classy, even if amazingly useless in their design. I mean, why pretend to have legs if you’re clearly getting around on wheels? Surely caterpillar treads would have been far more efficient, and would have provided a base that allowed for storage of many more useful items, and possibly an armament.

Of course, the real tragedy is that now the B-9′s that you could purchase and own for yourself at www.lostinspacerobot.com have become that much more tragic and endearing.

I think the real tragedy is that no one has attempted to kill that stupid robot that’s Nova FMs logo.

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What will be most interesting is that in the UK, the state religion being Anglicanism / C of E, this basically also means that by divine right, the Queen (or King) and rest of the Royal family is in fact ordained by God… Which is going to cause all other kinds of shit storms across what remains of the Empire.

And I really think that no one has thought of that.

But some background.

In case you didn’t know, there’s an advertising campaign at the moment, being run by Agnostics, basically telling people to enjoy life because god probably doesn’t exist.

Keyword here: Probably. Means that they’re not sure entirely either. Which means they’re open to proof. Which means they’re actually Agnostic, not Atheist. Atheists would techincally shove fingers in their ears and shout “LaLaLa!” if Jesus, Buddha, and Tetragramaton came up to them to have a friendly chat and a crumpet (It’s the UK, remember?)
 

So in come the fundy Christian lobby, with a counter claim to the Advertising Standards Authority, claiming that for these ads to be legal, they need to be backed up by factual evidence.

So back to my main point: Divine Right

In our enlightened times, the Monarchy stays where it is more because they are fantastic for Britian’s PR more so than because anyone believes that they are in any way anything other than a massive anachronism. But we all love the Beef Eaters, their funny hats and the gin… and if we got rid of the Royals, they’d have to go too. So the Royals stay.

But technically, they’re their because a couple hundred years ago they said that they were in charge because God said so. So if the courts rule that God probably doesn’t exist, then the Royale Family probably has to fuck off, and who knows what effects that will have on the rest of the Commonwealth. I suppose it does make the choice to become a Republic a hell of a lot easier for us… Or it means we become the new home of the Royal Family, because we love to hear how Harry dresses up as a Nazi at big social dos.

If, on the other hand, the courts do rule in favour of the Christian lobby, and say that God probably does exist, that means they also have to recognise the divine providence of the Royal family. Which means they can basically get away with anything, because it’s ok by God. Lizzy could go on a spree, gunning children down with MP5s akimbo, shooting from the hip as she chomps down on a cigar, topless, in the middle of Piccadilly Circus. And when people waved, hoping she’d do her famous semi wave back, she’d lob anthrax laden grenades… and it would all be Divine Will.

Which I think is the ultimate proof of the nonexistence of God, and why I’m a Pastafarian

, and you will see the FSM in all his noodley glory on the back of my car.

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