OK, so it’s finally cool enough to think again.
And it’s not really that it’s cool, so much as I bought an air conditioner… Which reminds me of an anecdote when I used to work at a particular club that shall not be identified by a name that’s in some way related to religious deviancy.

Clubs make their money by what goes over the bar, pure and simple.
Goths are notorious tight arses when it comes to buying a nice refreshing drink, I’m sure we can all admit that to ourselves. I know I’d rather be saving up some money for some good new shoes, some of you are a bit of a Jewbacca, and some are probably counting pennies to get more drugs (which really goes to show how high you are, because our currency went to dollars and cents in 1966).
So how does venue management get you into such a state that it does become possible to pull a greased teflon needle from between your clenched buttocks, without the use of a tractor?
There are two ways that are still in common usage.

The first is to simply ensure that all tap water is luke warm or hot. Legally speaking, outside of Western Australia, clubs don’t have to provide you with tap water on request. They just have to make water available to you, and usually at about $4-$6 a bottle, for something that will cost $0.32-$0.88 per bottle, if my Campbell’s Cash & Carry catalogue is correct… which it is as it arrived this week. So your choice fora cool beverage is to either buy one over the bar, or buy one somewhere else. And let’s face it, most of us are far too lazy to walk to the 7-11 that is probably about 20 meters down the road.

The second, and more insidious method is to use evaporative air conditioning.
The reason that this one is such a bitch is because it manages to massively increase the humidity in the air. So whilst it might seem like they’re doing the right thing, ensuring there’s some sort of cooling system for their patrons, it really works in the opposite manner.
When you’re performing the bizarre sexual attraction ritual known as “dancing” (which shall herein be referred to as “The Angsty Seaweed” or TAS for short), or just generally in a rather crowded room, you will start to heat up. Your body attempts to dump this heat via sweating, and if you’re wearing your Lynx deodorant, having women take bites out of your chocolatey self. As air passes over you, the heat is exchanged from the sweat on your skin as it’s a good conductor, and it evaporates. Evaporative air conditioning basically works by spraying you with water, much to the same effect.
Except at a club venue, there’s not exactly much of a breeze, and there is usually a lot more heat to be passed on to you from other people who are hotter, hot lights that momentarily shine on you (so you can sparkle like a diamond), smoke machines, etc.
You’re literally stewing in your own juices in a crowded night club!
Which makes you want a cool, refreshing drink… and if it’s alcoholic, it dehydrates you, which makes you want another, which impairs your decision making processes, which makes you want another, which destroys your cognitive capabilities, which makes you go home with one of these…

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