The Goth Club

So as to protect the (amazingly not) innocent, names will be abbreviated to first initials. In the case of conflicting initials, a numeral shall be added.

We’re all aware of how amazingly slutty the goth scene is. Let’s face it, people in other scenes tend to stop going to clubs once they’ve managed to pick up. On the goth scene, once people hook up at clubs, they tend to keep going to see if they can get a combo chain. It’d be like Street Fighter, except if Cammy and and Ibuki got their kit off and started eating each other out in that little street mall in Asia while Ken was basically pumping his fist for something other than his shoryuken.

I’m at a house party this evening. M’s house. We’re the last to arrive, as I’d been busy killing radioactive super mutants in an American wasteland. Important stuff. I’d just gotten a new female companion, and a weapon called a “Power Fist”. It’s so amazingly appropriate, yet not. And so amazingly appropriate for what was going to happen this evening at the party… I just didn’t know it at the time.

The party is progressing normally with everyone watching video clips when we arrive. N’s there, J, D, M2, S (who happens to be a friend of W), and a bunch of other people I don’t know. This includes the 13 year old son of someone. Yeah, you arleady know where this story is going… but it’s the details that make it worth while, so keep reading.

So after going to play with B, the cat, in ohe other room, I arrive just in time to prevent M from levelling S2 for trying to get fresh with N. 15 minutes spent forcing myself between the two, trying to get M to calm down, and then chasing him down the street to make sure he didn’t do anything regrettable, we’re finally back inside, and calming down, and the party is proceeding at a swinging pace. Absinthe & Baileys were involved (although not at the same time. trust me, it’s a combo you will never see in my Friday Drinks posts), as well as numerous other libations, such as UDLs.

All being fairly drunk, and gawth, N decides that M2 needs more makeup so that he can look like Robert Smith. We all pile into the front room to watch this go apace. Then N decides that everyone else needs makeup, and proceeds to do it for M. During this time, two of the other girls (who have names, or initials, but I forget them) decide that they’re going to smear their makeup over each others faces and breasts. Well, it’s a party. It’s a goth party in fact. So nothing too out of the ordinary… Until D and M2 decide they’re going to join in. Still not too unusual. Four people all making out on a couch happens all the time… Until M1 and N also decide to join in… And someone cracks out the video camera.

I should point out that this isn’t 3 couples being coupley. This is one couple, an engaged girl, a guy that looks like he’s straight out of the video clip for Lullaby, a mid 40s bald atheist jew with cancer… and someone else.

Normally, I wouldn’t be so rude as to post all of this. It’s private intimiate details. Except that D had basically been jabbing me in the kidneys with his elbow the whole time, because I’d actually been sitting on the couch that this all broke out on, and he forgot my girlfriend’s name again even though he’s known her for about four years now. Yes, I’m petty, but only when he’s funny.

At this point, in steps the husband-to-be of the engaged girl who is know getting the milking treatment from the other two girls, and has D going down on her while M1, M2 and myself watch on. Most people’s reaction to a situation like this would be shock, or outrage, or extreme violence. Did I mention this was a goth party? Yeah, his reaction was “Hold on! I’ll go get the video camera!” True to his word, 30 seconds later, we have a videographer in the room. After about 4 minutes, said videographer gets bored and hands the camera back to the husband-to-be.

It’s about now that the 13 year old kid stumbles in, and does what any kid that age would do when confronted with a scene like that. He tried to make himself the center of attention. To his credit, he did it using Beavis & Butthead references. Considering that the show is officially older than he is, that’s kind of impressive. He’s loaded up with the idiot MTV culture of the mid 90s. I’d have given the kid kudos, if I hadn’t been trying to figure out some way to jerk off without anyone noticing at the time. Once again, a 13 year old with a Tshirt pulled over his head screaming that he was Cornholio would generally stop most other people in their groin friction… but this is a goth party… and his dad was the one holding the video camera at the time.

Responsible parenting kicked in a few minutes later, and I now found myself in charge of the video camera. I try to do everything I do to the best of my ability, and photography is no different. Admittedly, I haven’t shot porno before, but I’d just seen Zac & Miri, so I felt pretty confident I could pull it off without getting shit all over my face. After a few minutes to figure out this particular camera, it was all good. Smooth zooms, slow pans, dollying. I had it all going on. I was a one man D.O.P.P… The second ‘P’ is for Porn. This is about 20 minutes in now, and the makeup that had been applied, inadvertantly triggering this entire episode, had now been smeared all over faces, chests & pants. Most of the people on the couch were now resembling Mentats, with a smearing of spice about their lips. Or it could have been herpes. Most likely, it was neither, and merely some lip gloss gone wild. Smears about. Hands groping. Breasts heaving. Ladies sighing. Men groaning. Thighs spaniking. Buttocks beaten with a riding crop. It’s all getting quite erotic.

Until D gets out the barbeque utensils.

I’m not even joking.  It’s at this point that my master piece of porno in some way gets turned into DVD commentary footage for his band. As it turns out N is not turned on by being scrubbed with a degreasing brush. Some people aren’t particularly fans of being spanked with a spatula, and no one liked having their nipples tweaked with the tongs. In my opinion, it was all too reminiscnet of one of the Saw movies for people to be really comfortable with it. And so the orgy inevitably fell apart before I’d even managed to get my other sock off.

Had I only thought to have shoot this on my phone instead, using an internet connection and a credit card portal, I’d have been a few grand richer this evening.

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