Yesterday newswires around the world were posting the “strange but true” story of a Russian mechanic who was fucked to death, after two women bet him he couldn’t fuck all day long.

A lot of you may be thinking: “What an awesome way to go!”

Frankly, I think this is somewhat misguided. To follow this rambling post, you may want to go read that article, by the way.

I mean, let’s face it. The goth scene is obsessed with sex. You know things are pretty smutty when off duty stippers go to your clubs because people are wearing less than they are. However, prolonged orgies are not all that uncommon.

I’ve attempted marathon sex before. We got up the 3h42m before it started getting amazingly uncomfortable. For a start, there’s always the potential danger of priapism. For those not in the know, it’s a terrible medical condition where a guy can no longer go flacid. Great if you’re intending to go and find some baby seals, either to beat to death with your gargantuanly engorged manhood or just because they’re soft and furry and still at the suckling stage. Not so great if you’re not an Eskimo. In most cases, without quick medical attention, blood vessels burst and rupture, muscles can be torn, and nerves severely damaged. Gangrene can happen, and quite frankly, guys can die from heart failure as the heart tries harder and harder to pump some new blood through.

That’s just taking the outside factor into account. Let’s not forget that 12 hours of sex… you’re gonna get pretty raw, even with some great lube. The sheer friction alone is going to wear the skin off your throbbing member, like loving rubbing your junk against a soggy strip of 300 grade sandpaper. The smarter folk out there might consider wearing a condom to prevent this, perhaps even a lamb skin condom. This is of no help to the ladies, who are basically being short shafted. For twelve hours. 

Sure girls, it may seem like a great idea because you’re fed up with only getting 183 seconds before you have to deal with extra protein in your hair (you complain about that, but you’ll pay more for “pro-max” shampoo), but it really is just another extreme. Never mind the boredom that’ll set in, there is simply too much of a good thing. There are women out there that can’t stop orgasming… Oddly enough, they’re not enjoying it.

I think that says something.

 

Actually, on second thoughts, this entire post says nothing. I just wanted to let people know some guy in Russia got fucked to death.

You might also like to read:

1. Dead Like Me: Life After Death
2. Death has plenty of dominion

3 Comments »

1. 

   I’ve heard it was a secret communist test, to see if they could draw out enough orgone to destroy the entire American nation in one great storm.

   Comment by natfrobinson — March 3, 2009 @ 11:25 pm

2. 

   you bunch of low life fucking cunts, im gonna rip ya fucking heads off and shave down your necks…

   all women should be swadgered with a bicycle pump before being chipped in maybe an american wood chipper you fucking jug eared baestards.

   did you know your cunting daughter sucked my cock raw.

   yah wol stalin…

   ill fuck you all…

   Comment by cuntar — June 19, 2010 @ 10:50 am

3. 

   Whilst this is certainly a reasonable point that is put forth in a rather erudite manner, and as such nearly impossible to refute, I do find it troubling that you write “yah wol stalin…”
   After all, Stalin was a Russian, and therefore unlikely to say “yah wol” unless he was also parodying zee Germans…

   Comment by Egofreaky — June 24, 2010 @ 4:28 pm

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