Acts of God
I’m at my in-laws waiting for Easter lunch.
This itself is probably a sacrilege for me, but screw you, free lunch and chocolate, it’ll be sacrilicious!
So (and follow me here) my girlfriend’s uncle’s bastard child’s mother is a tad… crazy. She’s a religious Polish Catholic. They’re not like normal Catholics. For a start, they thought it’d be religious and pleasing to god to make a cathedral entirely out of bones of people that were basically mass murderers.
Being Polish, she’s actually not all that familiar with the Easter Bunny. It’s a rather Celtic fertility symbol after all. In the Easter Bloc, they have Easter Chicken… which, if you think about it, makes a shit load more sense, because rabbits do not lay eggs, and even if they did, they would not be made out of freakin chocolate. And even if they were made of chocolate they would not be pre cracked and wrapped in foil!!!
JESUS, WHAT’S WRONG WITH SOME OF YOUR PEOPLE!?!?
But I digress.
Anna is attempting to explain to us what the symbolism of the rabbit is, as told to her. I think I should point out that she attends South Melbourne Catholic Church. Father Bob’s Church. As in JJJs Father Bob.
At least they caught the bastard
Apparently it’s because rabbit’s don’t close their eyes when they sleep… I suppose it’s so they can get the make up in better. And that with their ever open eyes, they are ever vigilant, because they never know what’s coming. They are ever vigilant for danger, like a burglary, you never know when a burglary is going to come, so you must always be on the ready for a burglary, or the coming of Jesus.
It’s at this point, I get the mental image of Jesus with a knife to my partner’s throat, demanding to know where we keep the real jewelry.
Which leads on to the following mental image of me attempting to explain to the insurance agent:
Me: So he took everything!
I.A.: And you recognised this individual?
Me: Yes! It was Jesus. Jesus H Christ.
I.A.: Oh, I’m sorry, we can’t give you a payout then.
Me: What the fuck? Why not?!
I.A.: We don’t cover acts of God…
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Tags: Religion
