Let me introduce you to my friend: PAIN!
Sunday, July 19th, 2009We all love Science here at the Goth Club, oh yes we do. It gives us all kinds of wonderful things, like extra cyborg attachements, or a better reason to be a bastard to someone.
Lately, it’s also shown us why fewer women tend to be subs in these stereo typical relationships. You will notice in the example picture who is recieving pain: Not the woman.
Why?
As it turns out, women feel pain in a much more intense manner than men. Men focus on, and disregard, physical pain. Women (apparently) focus on the emotional side of it. For the average woman, this means a more intense sensation of pain as the memories of other past pains are dredged up.
Which leads me into why I would bother posting this here: Kermit th– no, I mean BDSM.
I'm amazed I don't see this on more shelves
I’ve noticed that the women in my life seem to be much more interested in BDSM than the men in my life. Particularly the softer end of it, like pinching and spanking… although a few are into whips, and impressively large, unlubed butt plugs that they order off the net whilst drunk and then figure they’ll try it out anyway as otherwise it’s a waste of money and kind of end up enjoying it and then go and start a serious collecton of them.
Now this is almost always a sexualisation of the pain… and as someone that doesn’t really derive any particular satisfaction or great discomfort (or indeed sensation, due to some nerve damage, unless heat or pressure are applied) from these activities I have to admit I don’t get it. What is it about women finding emotionally, sexually satisfying contact, in low levels of pain and subjugation?
The Japanese schoolgirls loooove the spanking
My theory is somewhat Freudian actually. Most woman find that the first male figure to care for them is their fathers, but this is the same figure that is likely to apply discipline. Both through emotional subjugation (yelling), and application of physical consequences for negative actions (spanking) to provide an over all positive outcome.
During formative years these messages basically get mixed together, leading some women to associate such behaviour with being cared for on an emotional level.
Conversely, we have it at the other end as well. Girls don’t rough and tumble as much as boys do whilst growing up, and when they do, they’re told off for it. So you have less likelihood for having “fun” that involves physical pain, as well as negative reinforcement against anything that might actually cause that pain, making physical pain less encountered, and therefore an experience that they are not familiar with, creating a feedback loop that makes it even less expected, and therefore more painful.
So anyway, as it turns out I need to make a rather large apology to my long term partner, Jaz. I always thought she was just an incredibly big pussy… A joke that’s much funnier if you know her, because she’s 6′1″, can bench 50kg without a hassle, and enjoys having sex with me. She’s also going to introduce me to my own friend pain after reading this.
