Cyberpunk pt10: Accelerated Regenerative Tissue
Thursday, November 19th, 2009
"It wasn't missing! I just couldn't find it!"
So by now, provided you read or watch the news, you will have heard of the amazing discovery which has allowed scientists to magically (well, no, scientifically) regrow a rabbit’s penis to functionality… presumably after they hacked it off.
Yes, scientists are paid money to remove rabbits genitals… and then regrow them… presumably. I suppose if you’re a rampant feminazi, this could actually be the best job in the world. You’re paid to hack off penises, which then regrow, and can be hacked off again. Think of the possibilities when it comes to kidnap and torture to prove your point about female equality! *cough*
But I digress.
Oddly enough, I couldn't find the actual image I was after
The rapid regrowth of tissue has long been a trope in cyberpunk fiction, such as Akira, when Kaneda turns into a hideous blob of organs, or even just tentacles shooting out of arm sockets. It certainly gives some validity to the “pixie dust” that some guy in vented in Florida, using pig bladder cells.
However, this all reminds me quite strongly of the opening of the Mike Judge flick, Idiocracy. This severely underrated flick starts by explaining how it is that the human race ends up in the perilous state it finds itself in a future of idiots: All the best scientific minds in the world are being paid far too much money to figure out how to regrow people’s hair and maintain erections for longer and harder, instead of people actually figuring out the major issues and allowing stupid people to continue to breed.
My point is that this penile regrowth is anti-Darwinian.
Seriously. I love my dick. I probably stroke it more than my pets. I would never put it in a situation where anything could potentially dismember it. To do so would be an amazing act of stupidity so intense that I believe I would richly deserve my removal from the gene pool and having to sit down when I use the toilet.
Letting guys get their dicks back after an accident in which they thought a household appliances would be a pleasurable experience kind of dismisses the whole point of the process of Natural Selection.
But look on the bright side, maybe dreams of rocketing tentacle penises aren’t far away. It’d certainly make Cosplay competitions more interesting.
