Those of you that are regular readers know that I try to keep my personal life out of this thing. After all, if there’s something that the world doesn’t need, it’s another nagging, whining “woe is me” blog by some angst ridden no-longer-teenager that can’t even write poetry. Attempting to maintain that often means that there are times when the blog won’t get updated for weeks, except for posts that I’ve written well into the past and scheduled, which are no longer working by the time they post (i.e. Disney’s Muhammed). To that end, I’m attempting to write something of a missive, instead of a personal bitch fest about how craptacular my year has actually been… so bear with me here:

A.K.A. Giving Apathy 100%

If being goth, going to goth clubs, listening to goth music like Assemblage 23 and hanging out with goths has taught me two things it’s that:

1. Not everyone can dress in an asexual fashion
2. Life really is futile, and pointless, with the exception of what you make of it.

Which leads to a bit of a problem, really.

Now people that know me are aware of the fact that I tend to persevere when most people would have called it a day. I tend to keep going until the job is completed or has failed so badly that there is absolutely no possible way to salvage it. Life grinds at me, and I grind right back… And there’s a reason for all of this.

A simple reason.

I was consistently lied to as I grew up.

Not in an active, spiteful way for other’s entertainment, ala The Truman Show. Just the kind of comforting lies that people are want to give each other so that the world becomes a more bearable place. Much like the way Ricky Gervais inadvertently creates religion in The Invention of Lying (I actually have a very strong belief that that’s exactly how religion actually started now).

You are also familiar with this lie. It’s the one that all of your parents and teachers and other well meaning authority figures gave you as you grew up.

“If you keep working hard, it pays off”

Reap what you sew, it all comes good in the end, cheaters never prosper, a good beginning makes for a good end… Arbeit Macht Fucking Frei, meinen freunden.

Of course the problem with this is, as Chuck Palahnuik so eloquently points out in Fight Club, “We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t.” Except it wasn’t TV that raised us to believe it, it was our own progenitors. And unlike the characters in Fight Club we’re still not smart enough to figure this shit out and try to do something about it, but by into pop-culture bullshit that we’re being told is edgy because it’s being tut-tutted by the same Baby Boomer Bastards that are selling the shit right to us to keep us quiet.

Bring on Logan’s Run I say. I’ve still got three more years.

But that’s beside the point. It remains a simple fact that people that work hard… errr… ummm… *scratches beard*… Oh yeah, they end up working harder because their competency and willingness to work hard is recognised. Others essentially get a free ride on either side of them. The people above get to stay, regardless of the actual input they do, and those that are clever but essentially lazy figure out ways to exploit the system for personal gain.

People that are simply undeserving of their place in life continue to trundle on the free ride, whilst those that attempt to make something better for themselves continually fall by the wayside as others hold a hand out, make requests, beg favour and cry pardon. And it becomes endemic, as those that get to the top made their way by abusing the good will of those that would work hard, only to be discarded after they are used up.

So what can you do to better your situation?

In the 9 years of experience I have now, my conclusion is: nothing.

The cliche of being a cog in a machine isn’t even apt! At least if too many cogs become worn out, or removed, the machine breaks down. At the very least, the machine stops whilst the cogs are replaced. No, people are simply office stationary in the modern age. Most of us are paper clips. Work out the metaphor for yourself, it’s pretty fucking obvious.

Stick your head up too far, and you might get to bind a group together that has something really important in it… And you’ll be tossed aside shortly after that job is done. Possibly with the rest of the group in its entirety, possibly not. IF you’re really lucky, you’ll be kept around for another use or two.

There is no reason to strive for something better because it doesn’t happen without some kind of privilege or innate talent.

And innate talent is where that lie from before comes in. We don’t all have some special talent. We’re not all going to get to be artists and rock stars and CEOs. Some of us are just hard working paper clips that will get lost in the pile at best, but mostly likely used a few times, bent out of shape, and then tossed away.

I’m loathe to say it because I try to be optimistic, but Sonja. You were right. My apologies for a pointless intervention. But at least I’ve finally figured out the path to the Least Unhapiness in life.

I now believe what I used to joke about: If you keep your expectations as low as possible, you’re almost never surprised, and just expect & accept that, because you do actually deserve them, nice things will rarely, if ever, happen to you.

Happy fucking new year…

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