I was reading an interesting article in The Age the other day about how and why  (opinion mouthpiece, ex-catholic ranter and supposed comedian) Catherine Deveny got fired. Oddly enough, it wasn’t over the photo pasted right below this paragraph. Yeah, I’m surprised too.

At the Logies, perhaps the most subprime example of how far the Australian TV industry has its head up its arse, she tweeted the sorts of things that one would normally lean over and drunkenly whisper to the other people on the table. But because she tweeted it, it got out into the public and came back to bite her in the arse. Now I’m not going to bother analyizing this or explaining in greater detail waht happened. Read the related coverage for yourself.

But it did get me thinking that this stuff actually is permanent. It’s still there on her feed, and will be permanently. And then I thought about my friends who have recently become parents and actually already created social network pages for their kids… yeah, you thought it was bad enough when they showed your new boyfriend your baby photos in albums.

That’s right, it’s not bad enough for parents to stick that shit in their own YouTube channels and Facebook feeds, they’re creating their kids own profiles before the kids can even talk. Which in turn will create an image of them in the eyes of the general public and internet algorithms before they can even type. This profile, containing content that they would be horrified to know exists, let alone would have not bothered to put up will come back and haunt them like some kind of Ghost if Internet Past.

So let’s talk about the social implications of this first. If you have an easily recognisable name, like mine, you’re going to be found with an absolute minimum of Googlestalking. It’s ok if your parents, Mr and & Mrs Nguyen decided to give you a really popular name, like John. No one will ever find you. But if you have a name like Justin Pakula, you’re fucked.

Class mates will look you up in primary school and then call you “Whiz Kid”, for the photo your parents put up of you as a three year old peeing into your wading pool…  like poor “Gunnie” here.

Future employers won’t even bother to take into consideration that you were three years old at the time. They’re just not going to want to hire someone who they assume is an incontinent nudist.

Not a good image for corporate, you see.

This doesn’t even include the assinine crap they’ll be pushing onto these pages, masquerading as messages from the minors. “Today, I had a chocolate icecream cone, but it fell of into my lap and made it look like a poo’d my pants… at the front! FML.” It doesn’t matter that during the second round interview you’ll be arguing that that material was clearly posted when you were three years old and couldn’t even speak a grammatically correct sentence, let alone spell one and post it on the internet.

And what of the technological implications left behind by all of this drek? Google serves up ads and search results based on a profile it’s generated about your usage. Your parents have probably got a 7 year head start on your online life for you before you hop into it. By now, every major search provider is going to assume you’re a self defecating, golden shower & diaper fetishising, gibbering moron that has a thing for family moments.

Just try looking up anything… ever… again…

Which brings us to the moral quandaries of our future tech here:

1. Would you force your childs profile to be friends with your profile, and interact with it accordingly, even though it’s all you, and requires a state somewhat like a case of multiple personality disorderin order to continue the charade?
2. We’re consistently becoming more afraid of peadophile stalkers, even though statistics consistently tell us it’s likely to be one of your own siblings that abuses your kids – Why are you making it easier for complete strangers to find them and their nubile young bodies?
3. The years of torment these kids are going to face in school will require a massive increase in the number of trained therapists that are available for public consultation – precisely how is that going to be funded in ever decreasing federal medical budgets?
4. What did you give the cockroach a facial with?
5. If you actually never wanted your child in the first place, would you use this as a way of ensuring they committed suicide, so you didn’t have to deal with the messy problem of actually telling them they were never really wanted / accidental?

You might also like to read:

1. Cyberpunk Pt6: She sells ghosts in the shells by the surreal shore
2. Cyberpunk pt16: Government Enforced Morality
3. Cyberpunk Pt19: Erotelecommuting gives a whole new meaning to “Phone a Friend With Benefits”

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