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Where to begin?
I keep meaning to write stuff for this damn site, and then life happens. The latest episode in my life has been… odd…
Never mind my own personal issues (which if you’ve been a reader over the years you’ve probably realised are something along the lines of auto-erotic-toxic-narcissism or something).
I actually have a show in this year’s Melbourne International Comedy Festival. It’s titled So You’ve Decided To Host An Orgy, and it’s being as the filthiest show at this year’s event. As I write this post, the preview show for it is on. I am so excited I could throw up until I don’t have any teeth left. It’s been a long, hard struggle, remembering to write down all the pithy throw away lines I say when I’m being a sleazy douche bag. After all, my natural inclination is to make sure I have left as little evidence as possible. Probably the reason I’ve yet to be convicted of murder.
But it’s a major investment. A comedy festival show costs thousands of dollars to put on in terms of venue hire, registration, equipment costs, etc. That comes from mine and my co-hosts hip pockets. If it doesn’t pay off, we’ve basically pissed money away on our own vanity and don’t even have nice clothes and waxed chests to show for it… Well, we do have waxed chests to show for it, but that’s more of a personal preference.
This is on top of my own continuing personal issues, some of which I will be addressing in my articles On Gothic Sexuality, some of which have already been addressed, and some which are personal and you don’t give a shit about… Like my German Shepard, which I’m certain is aware I’m Jewish, because she keeps punching me in the balls.
My largest frustration actually happens to be being so out of the loop that this blog is kind of pointless. I haven’t been out clubbing to a night other than Neo in so long because of the whole stagnation of the local goth scene. It’s not that there aren’t any clubs. There’s still about six per month in Melbourne at last count. It’s just that so many of them were still playing the same music I was listening to in 2000 when I started going to them on a regular basis. There’s been no evolution. I’m hoping that perhaps some of the promoters can prove me wrong (and if you’d like to, guys, I’m happy to make accounts for you to post about your nights – it’s why I started this site in the first place). As I haven’t been going out, I haven’t felt the need to buy new clothes either, meaning that I also don’t know what fashion stores and mini-labels are about.
It’s a depressing slide into normalcy. From there, it’s just a tie and jacket combination away to being entirely sane with a standard 9-5 where I no longer drink red wine in front of customers at 10 in the morning… and that’s a frightening concept.
As I approach 30 there are a few things that are ticking over in my mind. Some are biological clock type, where I had a dream the other night of being covered in parasitic insects like fleas, all asking when were were going to Disneyland (Yeah, real subtle there, brain!).
There’s still the narcissism issue. I don’t think a lot of people realise quite how much narcissists actually loathe themselves deep inside. There’s a need to be loved so badly, that you have to do it for yourself because no one else will do it well enough. It gets out of control. To the point that you sexually fixate on people that look like you. Still, I’d give it all away, my empire of dirt.
Then we have confronting mortality, both my own and those of my loved ones. You couldn’t even script this. As we were burying my uncle Bill, on Valentine’s Day, my Nanna died in the old folks home. During the funeral. No one at the centre could get in touch with anyone in my family as we all had phones off, being at a funeral and all. So two family funerals in a week, which naturally makes my own parents start to realise they don’t seem to have enough grand children yet. Talks of marriage and religious conversions ensue. I zone out and I’m pretty certain I haven’t entirely zoned back in yet honestly.
So that’s what I’ve been doing over the last few months and kind of the reason for my total lack of posting.
Again, if you’d like to start posting about your club, design label, or just even book reviews, hair tips or other random shit, that’d be great. This was always meant to be a community site. The idea was there’d be about 20 people each writing one article a month. Obviously that never really happened.
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