The Goth Club

They forgot a scabbard for sacrificial knives

So you’re out at a goth club, and then some punk biatch comes in and shoots up the joint. And not with heroin or ketamaine, like you’d expect to happen at any good goth club, but with his nines, yo! And not size no Demonia’s, but pistol!!! Coz he be from da East sayeeeeed, beeyotch!

And that’s why no one is safe from rampaging wiggas.

But what can we do to prevent being gunned down in Eminem inspired wannabe gangsta violence? Why, isn’t the solution obvious?! We should all wear bullet proof corsets!

My dear friend Twist, always on the look out for ways to combine her goth lifestyle with bar room brawling (she’s from QLD originally), has found the ultimate way to ensure her own safety, whilst allowing her maximum carnage when people decide to tell her that maybe she something she’d rather not hear.

I think what worries me the most is that there are going to be people wearing these when the zombie uprising happens, thinking that it’s good protective gear. Whilst it may protect you from something up to a .22 (I’m making an asusmption here. It doesn’t look very solid, and most women, particularly goth chicks, don’t get enough calcium for strong bones required not to have tactial armour just shatter your rib cage directly into your own organs) it still leaves plenty of flesh exposed. So whilst they think they can go around wielding the pump action 12 gauge, taking out zombies like they were strippers, they’ve actually left many prone zones on their bodies for zombies to bite and infect them.

Hell, a lucky shot from an above angle (as most goth chicks tend to be short too) or from behind would still get you a decent wound or kill if you’re a human still capable of holding a fire arm, like our example of a sad wigga in the first paragraph.

Spread the hate

So as it turns out, Tshirt Hell isn’t closing after all. Fuck you, Sunshine Megatron!

Whilst a part of me is actually very glad about this, especially the new shirts they’ve got, the other side of me that actually is a fairly loyal Tshirt Hell customer (I buy about 4 per year for myself and friends) actually feels somewhat betrayed by this.
I was already buying the fucking shirts! Why exactly do I need to be suckered into spending a whole heap of money at once, in a panic, as opposed to when I would have bought those shirts when I was financially comfortable enough to treat myself to them?
Whilst it certainly generated a lot of hype for them, it’s a really shitty thing to do to the segment of the customer base that already is loyal to Tshirt Hell’s acerbic products.

That said, there’s a new competition due to all the pissed off loyal customers: Guess when someone’s going to shoot Sunshine Megatron.
I’m entering Feb 16th, 2011. It just seems right for some reason.

Spread the hate

This could not have come at a worse time for me. I’m already into my credit card a couple grand, and they’re closing down… So if I want the Tshirts, before some eBay hawks decide to rape the production line, order a shitload, and then sell them at a 100% markup next month, I need to buy some now.

What the fuck am I talking about? Tshirt Hell is closing by Feb 10th.

So I’m quickly getting myself a few shirts (shown below), and I recommend you do the same if there’s anything you want… because after Febuary 10th, the only place to get them will be from rip off merchants on eBay, or schmucks that just rip the designs off and stick them up on Cafe Press. Anyway, this is what I’m going to be getting.

And then there’s the Tshirt I’d love to get, except that I don’t think it’d go down well at family dinners, what with some relatives being survivors of the Holocaust, and others being Anzacs.

Spread the hate