The Goth Club

Well… maybe if programmers lived in my neighbourhood when I was growing up, this’d be a Saturday morning cartoon.

It would seem that I have exhausted the supply of legitimate, ye oldè religious cartoons that have very fucked up teachings (I still insist they a lot of them simply have not made their way to YouTube / Vimeo), so we’re going to have to go with a new tack to keep you folks entertained on a Saturday morning.

Last week I showed you all how I think The Wizard of Oz should have ended.

This week is scene you’d only normally find on the special edition, re-re-release of Avatar: Director’s Cut.

The real irony is that there actually was a sex scene in the script where they have intimate hair tendril sex… but it was cut because it might have been a bit too full on for the young children going to see it. Ummm, are these the same tendrils that their sticking in animals? Considering parasites and disease exist on every world, what kind of freaky STDs would they have picked up? Psychic worms? Bioluminescent herpes?

Being a little more serious, this scene does raise some interesting questions. Whilst one might think that these questions were actually answered by Kirk in the first series of Star Trek, and then again in numerous fantasy canon with all the half-fantasy race creatures out there (half-giant? Really now? How does that even work logistically? You either get torn in half by a giant’s cock that’s nearly the same size as you, or you drown in vaginal lubrication and it’s doubtful your sperm will get further than two feet… I suppose maybe some giants having alfresco out in the forest and accidentally missing and hitting the local village? But then there’s still the issue of women basically exploding to give birth. It’s all very anime!), but it hasn’t been!

Precisely how do two vastly genetically different creatures actually mate? Interspecies erotica!! Kelly can be a guys name!!! The whole sex scene is in avatar was predicated on the basis that the N’avi anatomy was somewhat like the picture here, or was at least left for the viewers to believe it was such.

Even considering the fact that Jake is technically in a N’avi body, and one assumes is somewhat cognisant of the biology behind it simply from using it, there’s still the issues surrounding the psychological and social implications of sex not only with an entirely different species, but also simply not knowing what those issues are between species.

Considering the primitive nature of the society in which the N’avi live, and the hostility of the world that they supposedly live so harmoniously with, it’s hard to imagine that there is actually expectation of monogamy, which is predominantly a social construct, and rarely exhibited in hostile environment species as they are attempting to spread as much of their genetic material as possible.

This still doesn’t take into account the social impacts. In Avatar, Jake’s actually responsible for the deaths of hundreds of people (which does get mentioned in the How Avatar Should Have Ended cartoon) because he should have actually been attempting to setup a trade deal of some kind. Let’s face it, humans wanted the metal under the tree… Surely, with technology advanced enough to go interstellar distances and be profitable, it would be more than possible to set up an ecologically friendly (as possible) mining operation if it were fully explained to the N’avi (let’s face it, if it’s worth $20m/kg, it’ll still be profitable to setup an expensive mining operation)… But no, let’s get some native bush in the bush with my hairy tendrils, thinks Jake Sully.

So what does Avatar teach us? Actually, it’s almost along the lines of religious teachings really (oh yeah, sneak the religion in for the getting-back-on-topic segue…).

We learn that we should:

• Be good to the environment;
• Respect one another;
• Not betray our own people, whomever they may be;
• and don’t fuck aliens (read: people that aren’t your skin colour) or you’ll be responsible for the apocalypse!

Personally, I give this extra scene four and a half spinning blue cocks.

Having gone to Golgotha last night, it occurs to me that a lot of promoters really… well… can’t.

Promote that is.

I’ve decided that as I endeavour to make GothClub.com.au more of a site that is of actual use to the Australian gothic community, rather than something for the amusement and blitherings of myself & select friends, that I’ll be putting up a list of clubs that are on around the country, special events, etc., and a little bit of detail on everything that I can get. I was also hoping that a few people from interstate might even consider writing reviews for their local haunts and keeping me updated with events that are happening outside of Victoria

To that end, I decided to do some serious research on the national goth scene and found something that really flabbergasted me.

The majority of goth clubs are really poorly promoted. (more…)

A.K.A. Should I buy the banana or kiwi flavoured lube?

The contract with my previous employer was not renewed when new owners took over (who then decided two weeks later that they actually did still need me. But they weren’t willing to keep me on the pittance I was being paid before, so fuck them). So I’ve been looking around for my dream job, something in events management. I’m sure most of you are familiar with the job hunting process. It’s long, grueling, and disheartening… at the best of times.

You submit your resume, a bog standard cover letter that you’ve mail merged with the position title, place of employment and HR persons name, because if you had to make a unique one for every role you’d go insane. And then you see the same job advertised next week, even though they never even sent you a bog standard rejection letter by way of reply. Bastards.

So it was a breath of fresh air when I saw one role that was actually basing its decisions on the actual quality of applicants work. Whilst you had to submit a resume, that didn’t matter nearly so much as following the process by which you had to actually apply. For starters, you had to apply on a specific date. Not have applications in by, nor after… But that one day only.

That’s not the most interesting part though. What truly set this job out from the rest, and I’m certain weeded out a lot of the standard applicants that just shotgun blast their resumes out there was that you had to design an event for this event management company. And not any event. You couldn’t just rehash an old plan you may have had lying around. You had to create an entirely new event, with budgets, mood boards, layouts, pictures, etc., of how you would announce to other people in the events industry that you had just been hired by this company.

What a fantastic concept for selecting candidates for a job! Actually looking and seeing if they’re capable of producing the actual work that you’re hiring them to do. It staggers me that more places don’t do this, but simply look at a resume, and often don’t even look past the education details, let alone to what you’ve actually done in your career so far.

Not at all like what (IMHO) I now consider the worst employment agency in Australia, with a poor record of data retention, and rude HR people that will reject your resume in less than 2 minutes after sending it… Is that even enough time to open it let alone read it?!

Either way, it got me thinking that there are all these jobs out there that seem totally goth, but simply aren’t when you get into it… Other than fashion and cosmetics retail, what out there is really all that goth?

• Owning the Haunted Bookshop
• Being a professional psychic / ghost hunter
• Grave digger and/or Mortician
• Forensics
• Drug Dealer
• Model

In fact, looking up “goth job” on Google even returns modeling… and porno, which is kind of modeling anyway. Now let’s compare this to what about 95% of the goth community are employed in:

• IT (Software)
• IT (Systems Maintenance)
• IT (Engineering)
• McDonald’s
• IT (Consulting)
• Part time modeling and creative arts career (Read: The Dole)

So what’s a guy to do if he wants a job outside of these areas, has training and experience outside of them, and yet still can’t find work outside? Give in? Certainly looks like a reasonable option. This is the great year of You Have To Give Up.

Or strike out, and be the most bizarre, attention grabbing whore you can possibly be.

And that’s what I aimed for with my event proposal.

If people are wondering what event I proposed… I think you’ll like it: Read it here.

And if you’re wondering, Im happy to organise your next function

Those of you that are regular readers know that I try to keep my personal life out of this thing. After all, if there’s something that the world doesn’t need, it’s another nagging, whining “woe is me” blog by some angst ridden no-longer-teenager that can’t even write poetry. Attempting to maintain that often means that there are times when the blog won’t get updated for weeks, except for posts that I’ve written well into the past and scheduled, which are no longer working by the time they post (i.e. Disney’s Muhammed). To that end, I’m attempting to write something of a missive, instead of a personal bitch fest about how craptacular my year has actually been… so bear with me here:

A.K.A. Giving Apathy 100% (more…)