I just had a look at the top 10 search terms that bring first time readers to this blog. I do this every once in a while to see what is actually of interest to my non-regular readers. Personally, I would have assumed it would have been things such as much awesome custom cocktails, or perhaps some of my articles on cyberpunk fiction that is already a clear and present reality (or imminently pending) and why that makes cyberpunk a genre that people are less inclined to read lately.

But no, it’s none of those things.

It’s mostly Jude Law’s dick.

The GothClub’s Top 10 Most Searched Terms for First Time Visitors!

These are literally in the order of popularity by the way, and except for the last two, each have over a thousand first time visitors that have found the site through these…Thanks Google! It’s nice to know what you think my site is all about and who it’s relevant to in the eyes of search engine users.

1. jude law
2. avatar navi
3. navi porn
4. fucked to death
5. navi avatar
6. world of whorecraft
7. avatar sex
8. poire william
9. avatar navi porn
10. falcon punch

Holy shit, folks! Whilst Jude Law’s technically on top for a post I made about our society becoming like the film Gattaca, the combined weight of all the ones about navis actually outweighs Jude’s swinging non-blue cock by nearly 3:1.

I make one parody post about the missing sex scene from Avatar and the actual social implications of getting into some alien bush instead of actually negotiating for mineral rights, and somehow this becomes the most important thing for you first timers! It actually kind of makes me totally unsurprised that World of Whorecraft is on there (even though it was a post about living our lives in virtual simulations), because you clearly can’t deal with real porno (so I’ve linked it permanently for you to make your lives easier), and you figure Falcon Punching a woman is the best way to deal with any potential unwanted complications that may arise from your inter-species erotic capers.

That a liquor made it on there at all genuinely surprises me…

*facepalm*

Normally, I try to keep myself out of this blog. My own personal life is not as entertaining (well, with the exception of my standup comedy featuring tentacles) as my inane ranting.

But I figure this may well be of interest to many of you, my dear readers. You see, you may have pegged me as something of a nerd. A geek. As socially graceful as my wardrobe is filled with bright colours and matching patterns. Frankly, I’m not sure what gave it away. The constant science fiction references, that I currently run the Melbourne Anime Festival, the collection of vintage calculators and Atari 2600 cartridges… Aren’t these the trappings of normal people?

I digress… The point is that I’ve recently acquired the SF&F bookstore Of Science & Swords. (more…)

It should come as no surprise to anyone living in a major urban centre that overcrowding is going to be a massive problem in the future. The very near future if you live in Melbourne. One of the huge issues here is that people in Western countries are simply not willing to give up their “quality of life” (read: massive mansions that are far too large for their actual needs and only serve to live out fantasies put upon most people by 1960s sitcoms, and current Hollywood dramas), and live in places that are actually of a suitable size to their needs. Everyone needs a mansion, but there’s not actually enough land for everyone to have one.

The Cyberpunk genre gives us two solutions to this quandary:

1. Massively unchecked urban sprawl, leading into megacities that span multiple state boundaries, and have impressively large buildings situated in the middle, where all the work is done by an underclass of artificial humanoid life that totally doesn’t resent us like in Appleseed; or
2. Arcology type structures. (more…)

We certainly can’t vote for Gore here (or again even if we become US citizens, as he seems to have quite politics), but we can still have our own zombietastic fun, shuffling about the place, scaring the living crap out of the regular populace, and generally doing what gawths do best: sticking out in society like a sore thumb that’s been slapped to a forehead in a fit of ennui.

But we take the Zombie Shuffle for what it is. A silly bit of fun. A public dress up day where we can all pretend that skipping a shower because we rushed out of the house ater waking up late to make it to the march in time was really all part of an ingenious plan to simulate the scent correctly. It’s a good time. It’s organised chaos. It’s graveside humour. (more…)

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