The Goth Club

Here’s some anime bible for you, with god dolling out wrath… and a robot… on Noah’s ark… with Noah… and only two very young children… kind of like Lafayette Ron Hubbard…

All this talk of religion lately, it leaves me with a line of questioning I don’t think anyone really stops to think about once they’re fully indoctrinated into their ideological pap.

As far as Monotheism goes, we’re basically up to V3.x with Islam. Abraham, Jesus and Mohammed. Some pretty fucking major prophets right there, never mind all the people that did spin offs on the show, like Martin Luther or Joseph Smith. There’s some serious time between these major upgrades, six centuries at a minimum.

If any of them were the one true religion, precisely why does it take their god so fucking long down his own little timeline (i.e. Islam has been around for about a quarter of the time that’s been since the Earth was created, Judaism’s got only a little over two thirds) to actually remind people about him and get them to start worshipping properly?

I mean, surely, if there was one true religion he’d have gone “Noah, remembereth the cataclysm of flood upon which i wrought terrible wrath upon an unfaithful land? Lo, tell all ye inhabitants of yon lands beyond where sky meets earth to worship me as the one true lord… bitches.”

Surely that religion would have been started, by god and his prophets, a little bit closer to the beginning of time, instead of waiting somewhere along the six and a half thousand (supposed) years of history to reveal it.

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I figured it wasn’t possible to be more offensive than my last few Saturday posts.

But you know that trite expression people say about others that make assumptions? Yes, it goes “If you ASS-U-ME… you’re a little bitch, and wrong!”

And like a little bitch, I was wrong.

So today, I bring you evidence of the one true religion:

Supramadgism!

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I suppose not every bit of religious education animation can be from the absolute lunatic fringe or of piss poor production values… which is why I was so pleasantly surprised to actually find one about Islam that was done to the sort of level of quality that Disney used to pride itself in.

Here’s the first 5 minutes (after the annoyingly long credits roll)

Now, the only thing missing from this to really make it a Disney thing would be some signing and dance numbers, but apparently, recorded song and dance numbers are haram, thanks to a few specific haddith and ultra-orthodox crazies… who happen to be the vocal minority that manage to ruin it for everyone.

Just like Senator Fielding!

Shit, I’m managing to offend everyone lately… I’m on a fantastic roll here!

Next up on the “to offend” list: Wowbagger.

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Ok, ever since we watched “Episode 9000″ of South Park, we all know how fucked up Scientology is. I mean, if 4chan’s against something, it has to be bad, right?

Just in case you don’t know what Scientologists actually believe, there’s a run down in the following video:

So why should we care about this? I mean we all know they’re kookie, and this is hardly something unexpected, like Jews swinging live chickens around their head, or ruining the space/time continuum.

Well, it’s the exact content of the cartoon in this particular instance.

I have noted, from the imagery contained within, that Xenu is:

• a homosexual, or a metrosexual at the very least; Why else would he be so buff and have a pink battle helm (00:41 & 00:51 respectively)?
• likely to have worked for the United States Armed Forces at some point, as indicated by his more than willing stance on the use of hydrogen-atomic weapons (01:08);
• an enemy of, and has been raided by, The Avengers at least once (01:18);
• one of Superman’s arch-nemesii. Hence the floating diamond sub-space prison (01:20);
• insisting that all Scientologists be stuck in 80s fashions (01:30);
• making sure you will never have to ask someone to get you a cup of tea again (01:48).

Now, frankly, I’m beginning to think that Scientology looks rather cool from all this. I mean, I’d happily part with a few thousand dollars if it meant I was going to be happy and be able to shoot tea cups with my mind… But then again, Scientology also says that modern psychiatry is bullshit, which means I wouldn’t be able to get delightful little pills like Adderall.

Scientology = no drugs = stupid religion.

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