Crochethulhus are a creation of The Old Ones, sleeping but not yet dead in their retirement villa beneath the seas, and when the alignment is right on Dancing With the Stars they will rise once more and devour the minds of young mortals with terrible tales of how things were so much better in their day. Those that wish to summon their own Crochethulhu should seek out the mad Australian Nik Tardrew via http://lucibaddog.blogspot.com/

Those that wish to brave their own sanity and check it against harder stuff may gaze upon this terrible visage upstairs at 234 Collins Street, Melbourne, next to the sickening UK imported lollies store.

October 29, 2011
1:00 pm	to	6:00 pm

Each year in the Queen Victoria Gardens, somewhere between the roar of StKilda road and the quiet buzzing of all the demon insects that are starting to hatch in their quest for blood, for one day each year there is a place where we can lay down our rugs and kick those teddybears out of their supposedly hallowed ground!

That’s right, teddies, time for our picnic. The one you never invited our Carl Cthulhu’s or Chuckies or Living Dead Dolls to because you’re discriminatory bastards!

My insane ranting aside, it should be a fun day for everyone provided the weather holds out.

You’ll want to bring:

• Picnic blanket, or ludicrously long trenchcoat
• Snacks & drinks – possibly enough to share because that’s how you make friends
• Plates, cutlery & cups
• Camera
• Sunscreen
• Stereosystem of some kind

Now it should be pointed out that this isn’t an all-in-gothfest, but a classier affair! People should dress to impress in Victorian inspired finery. Yknow, Elegant Lolita, Steam Punk/Neo-Victorian, Rococo, Baroque, etc.

For more information, or to be part of the social media side of things, check out the event listing on Facebook.

 

March 12, 2011
3:30 pm	to	6:30 pm
7:30 pm	to	10:30 pm

Once again, the dark fashions come out and it’s time to see what people will be wearing out to clubs until the world’s end 2012, but contrary to popular belief, the world does not end with you. Dammit, why do you have to be so conceited?

Oh, right, goth blog…

This year’s Circa Nocturna is being held at Fitzroy Town Hall, and in a new twist, there will be two shows. (more…)

See, I use this as therapy. I’m not actually up here trying to get you guys to laugh, so much as get some shit off my chest. Laughter is a bonus. But let’s see if we can get a bonus round going.
In the meantime sit back, take a stiff shot and here we fucking go.

Regulars here know I’m jewish.
Ooooh, jewish blogger. Big fucking surprise. A jewish blogger that loves to have his lunatic rants and that’s unemployed.
Jewish blogger that’s unemployed and neurotic?!!? How many stereotypes can I be?
Does comedy? I do.
Failed at acting? Certainly.
Drinking? Check!
Smoking? For sure!
Self destructive arsehole? Why not.
Good with math? I’ll do your fucking taxes so long as you pay me.

Yeah, angry. Very fucking angry.
See, I’m not a terribly good jew. In fact, I’m something of an anti-semite.
If I was any other racial group, it’d just be me poking shit… But if you’re a jew and you make jokes about jews, you’re a self-hating anti-semite.
I never got that shit, actually. I don’t hate myself at all. I just hate every other fucking jew I end up meeting.
If you hate yourself, you commit suicide… or start watching daytime TV.

I love myself. I jerk off every damn chance I get and I’ll wax my own arsehole.
Anyone here ever considered waxing someone’s arsehole when they don’t like them?

Fuck no! You only do that shit for someone you intend to stick your dick or your tongue into, and if I could I would, but I can’t so I have to settle for the fucking wax job and maybe the odd fist.

And that’s how I know there is no god!
That’s what finally made it click for me.
All the wars? God has his people.
All the poverty and misery? God works in mysterious ways.
Evil and cruel people getting ahead at life at the expense of the Just and the Good? God is testing your faith.

Anal hair?

Clearly we are random by products of an uncaring process of evolution, because I hate to think we’re created in god’s own image and still have hairs growing out of our arses!

In this scenario, the alternative, that god does indeed exist, is actually even worse. It goes to show that god is clearly either insane, uncaring, or the most callously evil being to exist… And not just because your assfro has no practical purpose other than to ensure you can’t pass on your seed. Look at this Cistine Chapel shit painted by Michaelangelo. Does god have enough hair to make plugs with when he starts going bald? Hell no. Smooth as the day he was born of himself to a virgin so he could sacrifice himself to himself in order to save you all from the original sin which he actually kinda made you do in the first place. And I thought my mother was good at convoluted psychology to make me feel guilty.

Or maybe that anal hair is just there to catch the fish.

What the fuck do I know, it’s nearly 2am and I have shit to do tomorrow.

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