Being a longterm Devil May Cry/God of War veteran, I thought I’d seen all Bayonetta had to offer from the screenshots. Style over substance, basically, with a tasty twist in using angels as the enemy/victim (as these games seem to all be about dispatching the enemy in various (not to mention visceral) ways while they basically stand there inoffensively like they’re at a picnic and there’s some pesky fly buzzing round them with guns and occasionally a sword.

However, there’s something about a girl with long dark hair and glasses that seems to spend a lot of time somewhat..underclad that has…well, gotten me into trouble on more than one occasion, and the graphics did look pretty cool, so I thought I’d give it a shot.

Holy f**k.

Yes, it is another paint-by-the-numbers button masher cinematic combat game from the gaping maw of Hideki Kamiya (DMC 1), but GOD is it pretty. I’m about three or four levels through it now, and already I’ve fallen down the mountainside on the remnants of a clock tower, slaughtered my way through countless angels in a Vienna/Prague pastiche European city, watched said city erupt into a giant fireball, ran along walls and up crumbling skyscrapers…I’d go on, but it’d ruin the game for you.

And the enemies – Baroque monstrosities with glittering white wings, sparkling gold armour and a definite undercurrent of malice. Needless to say, they explode nicely.

Good mindless fun – but a word of advice, don’t miss the Quicktime events. They only crop up once every now and then, usually when you’re being thrown at something or the building you’re in is about to be destroyed by a fireball – miss them and it’s Instadeath.

Guess it’s true – God really does hate Goths.

Also, go for the Climax edition if you can. Includes a soundtrack CD, gorgeous art book and a ceramic replica of one of Bayo’s trademark pistols. Good luck finding it though.

Rating: 4.5 Disemboweled Angels.

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