The readers that know me on Facebook are aware that a few weeks ago, I had to have my dog put down. Two days before Christmas to be precise. So, y’know, best Christmas ever! In hindsight, what I found most interesting about the whole affair is thing is the way that other people, when confronted with that sort of thing in their averagely happy daily lives, a) just don’t know how to deal with it; and b) really show how well they don’t know you.

I’m going to try to keep this away from being all about me. There’s LiveJournal for that bullshit. But there is some context that needs to be explained, because otherwise this seems like an angry, bitter rant… which I guess it kind of is, even if it isn’t intended to be.

Allow me to explain. That’s my dog, Particle Accelerator (Or Accel for short), there in the video… (more…)

So by now, provided you read or watch the news, you will have heard of the amazing discovery which has allowed scientists to magically (well, no, scientifically) regrow a rabbit’s penis to functionality… presumably after they hacked it off.

Yes, scientists are paid money to remove rabbits genitals… and then regrow them… presumably. I suppose if you’re a rampant feminazi, this could actually be the best job in the world. You’re paid to hack off penises, which then regrow, and can be hacked off again. Think of the possibilities when it comes to kidnap and torture to prove your point about female equality! *cough*

But I digress.

The rapid regrowth of tissue has long been a trope in cyberpunk fiction, such as Akira, when Kaneda turns into a hideous blob of organs, or even just tentacles shooting out of arm sockets. It certainly gives some validity to the “pixie dust” that some guy in vented in Florida, using pig bladder cells.

However, this all reminds me quite strongly of the opening of the Mike Judge flick, Idiocracy. This severely underrated flick starts by explaining how it is that the human race ends up in the perilous state it finds itself in a future of idiots: All the best scientific minds in the world are being paid far too much money to figure out how to regrow people’s hair and maintain erections for longer and harder, instead of people actually figuring out the major issues and allowing stupid people to continue to breed.

My point is that this penile regrowth is anti-Darwinian.

Seriously. I love my dick. I probably stroke it more than my pets. I would never put it in a situation where anything could potentially dismember it. To do so would be an amazing act of stupidity so intense that I believe I would richly deserve my removal from the gene pool and having to sit down when I use the toilet.

Letting guys get their dicks back after an accident in which they thought a household appliances would be a pleasurable experience kind of dismisses the whole point of the process of Natural Selection.

But look on the bright side, maybe dreams of rocketing tentacle penises aren’t far away. It’d certainly make Cosplay competitions more interesting.

Honestly, what the fuck is wrong with some people?

 

I’m all for dressing up animals in ridiculous get up. It’s kind of cute. And you know what, if you really want to, you can goth / metal out your pets in a way that’s totally adorable, and fine, and after they get over the massive humiliation of you and all your friends laughing at them, the pets generally end up liking their clothes too.

But some people have to take that shit a bit too far.

There’s a couple of people who, just yesterday, got arrested for attempting to sell “goth kittens”.

Now, as cute as this may sound, it’s not just black cats, with adorably large heads, that cry a lot, and maybe write some bad poetry. It’s some lady piercing a living animal with jewelry that is quite heavy through cartilage that is too weak to support it (hence the floppy ears) and cutting off their tails, which cats actually require to balance correctly for running and jumping, and doing other things that happy (read stalky) cats do.

Now, this is not quite the same as putting your dick into a lamb’s intestinal tract. For a start, that lamb’s been dead a while, and the rest of it is most likely ina  haggis. 

This is a still living animal!

Although I begin to wonder who the real animals are… The good news is that the crazy bitch that was doing this has been charged and will face trial on animal cruelty charges. Because unlike a 12 year old child, pets don’t actually have the power to say no, so it’s not like they can even give consent in the first place.

If you want to “gawth” up your pets, just get them a spikey collar, and some little leather hats or something. If you want animals looking and behaving in a way that’s totally unlike how they should be, watch some fucking anime…