A few weeks ago, I posted about the need for a site to anonymously tell someone you just gave them an STD. Well, what if you want to give it to them with love?

Wait, back up a moment. There’s back story here I’m not filling you guys in on.

As it happens, as with most people on the goth scene, I and my partner are people with fairly… eclectic tastes. What constitutes a good time for us does deviate somewhat from societal norms. Our best Valentine’s Day ever included seeing a giant squid, me being given a small robot, and us going to see some live death metal. As we’ve had days like that in the past, apparently I am being remiss by not planning anything as fun, or giving her anything as nice, in return.

So as any good partner should be, I am resolved to solving this problem by giving her some sort of STD… in Plush form.

At first, I was thinking I could take her on a picnic and give her E.Coli, delightfully hidden in the potato salad, but the cleaning would be difficult, and the irony probably lost as we picked bits of felt and rayon fabric off of our tongues. I had also thought of Herpes and Gonorrhea, but as diseases go, they just weren’t cute enough.

Of course, this is all because as a vegan, she won’t permit me to use sensible protection, in the form of a lamb skin condom.

Of course, if you’re considering purchasing for your own loved ones and must go absolutely gawth, what could be a better than Black Death or Necrotizing Fasciitis?

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