When the Times of India tells you that vampires are actively moving to your city you have a bit of a chuckle to yourself, and think “Oh those silly little tamagothies!”

When a credible news source gives you a substantially expanded version of the article, it’s time to reconsider where you live. Adelaide maybe. (more…)

June 4, 2010 8:00 pm

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June 5, 2010 4:00 am

Melbourne’s goth scene is shifting of late. Part of that shift includes a new Friday night club, Silhouette. The current DJ line up includes Nero, Rick Ruin, and Nebula, with a VJ set thrown in there at midnight. I guess we’ll call that DJ DVDHey. The music slated so far is the best of goth’s 70s through 90s period, so we’re looking at a lot of Bauhaus, Girls under Glass, Marilyn Manson, Sisters of Mercy, etc. Hopefully this extends to the VJ set as well.

Silhouette is on at the Portland Hotel, which is the corner of Russel and Little Collins streets, Melbourne. Entry is $6 before 10:30, $10 with flier after that, or $12.

The Portland is an odd space for a goth club. In terms of the venues own decor, it actually reminds me a lot of Die Maschine. It’s got that ex-strip club layout, but a very neutral decore that could actually go places if it’s worked with. The problem of course is what can you do with a large space and a limited budget… Well, a fog machine with the heavier juice and some polystyrene tombstones would go great on the dance floor, especially if the fog is rolling off the stage area.

Drink Specials:

• $6 Jim Beam
• $5 Quick Fucks, Wet Pussies, and Cocksucking Cowboys…

It should be noted that those drink specials can be made less euphemistic with the application of some cocaine and/or amyl-nitrate.

May 7, 2010 9:00 pm

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May 8, 2010 2:00 am

So just before the beginning of my month long funk, I ended up having to go to Hobart.

Firstly, it’s best not to ask what I was doing in Tasmania. Needless to say, it’s the kind of story that would Make Hunter S Thompson weep and attempt to adopt me as his late life son… If it weren’t for the fact he was already dead. The point is, Zombie S Thompson, it was a fucked up weekend. (more…)

Which is to say that there are none there .

Well, not quite. I saw a set of goth parents,and their brightly coloured, Wiggles bedecked spawnling. Why is it that the children of goth couples are always so brightly coloured?

What there was in abundance were emo children. Everywhere. Emo and scenesters, and “rave cave” stands full of glowing and LED ridden crap at 400% markups and… and… and almost nothing to take advantage of these cashed up bubble heads except a rather well done horror train, which I didn’t even manage to get a ride on due to insanely large queues.

Why god, whyyyyyy!?!?

There was one potential stab at making a bag suitable for goth/emo kiddies though. The “Black Angel” bag. Cheapest possible synthetic satin gloves, black feather wings, a wrist band, and a black wig. All this for a paltry $20… or was it $25.

Whatever, it was overpriced considering that you could get all those things at a cheap asian discount store for about three quarters the price.

Which has made me realise that there are two market segments that are not being catered for at the Show:

1) Tamagothies and Emo children; and

2) Sexual health.

In terms of sexual health, it’s simple. There just should be something aimed at all levels.

Family bag so you can explain it to the preteens, something for teenagers loaded with condoms and pamphlets about “use them, or you’ll get electroghonorrea – it’s the noisy killer”, and then for the money maker, you sell single guys, single girls, and couples bags. A few appropriate toys, some lubes, a couple pamphlets on sexual health services and some of those “have you been drugged?!” drink coasters. Bam! State government initiative right there. They’ll be throwing money at you! Could probably even have a few GLBT bags for kicks… like the Hardcore Lesbians Bag: Flannel shirts and a rounders bat.

The goth bags, now there’s a guaranteed money maker.

Firstly, you’d need the appropriately themed stand, with a name like “The Gloom Room”.

All the bags would be easy enough to arrange. Just get black plastic bags for the cheaper ones, and some cheap black PVC courier satchels for the “expensive” ones. Maybe iron on patches so you can tell them apart when grabbing them from the back. Some My Chemical Romance stickers, a rubber spike wrist band and cheap button badges. Presto! Generic Emo bag ready to go. NIN Patch, rubber choker, and cheap white foundation and black lipstick. Zonino! Goth bag!

And the magic is that all of these things would be dirt cheap if bought in the quantities needed to make 2,000 bags.

Anyone feel like going halves in a business proposal for next year’s show?