See, I use this as therapy. I’m not actually up here trying to get you guys to laugh, so much as get some shit off my chest. Laughter is a bonus. But let’s see if we can get a bonus round going.
In the meantime sit back, take a stiff shot and here we fucking go.

Regulars here know I’m jewish.
Ooooh, jewish blogger. Big fucking surprise. A jewish blogger that loves to have his lunatic rants and that’s unemployed.
Jewish blogger that’s unemployed and neurotic?!!? How many stereotypes can I be?
Does comedy? I do.
Failed at acting? Certainly.
Drinking? Check!
Smoking? For sure!
Self destructive arsehole? Why not.
Good with math? I’ll do your fucking taxes so long as you pay me.

Yeah, angry. Very fucking angry.
See, I’m not a terribly good jew. In fact, I’m something of an anti-semite.
If I was any other racial group, it’d just be me poking shit… But if you’re a jew and you make jokes about jews, you’re a self-hating anti-semite.
I never got that shit, actually. I don’t hate myself at all. I just hate every other fucking jew I end up meeting.
If you hate yourself, you commit suicide… or start watching daytime TV.

I love myself. I jerk off every damn chance I get and I’ll wax my own arsehole.
Anyone here ever considered waxing someone’s arsehole when they don’t like them?

Fuck no! You only do that shit for someone you intend to stick your dick or your tongue into, and if I could I would, but I can’t so I have to settle for the fucking wax job and maybe the odd fist.

And that’s how I know there is no god!
That’s what finally made it click for me.
All the wars? God has his people.
All the poverty and misery? God works in mysterious ways.
Evil and cruel people getting ahead at life at the expense of the Just and the Good? God is testing your faith.

Anal hair?

Clearly we are random by products of an uncaring process of evolution, because I hate to think we’re created in god’s own image and still have hairs growing out of our arses!

In this scenario, the alternative, that god does indeed exist, is actually even worse. It goes to show that god is clearly either insane, uncaring, or the most callously evil being to exist… And not just because your assfro has no practical purpose other than to ensure you can’t pass on your seed. Look at this Cistine Chapel shit painted by Michaelangelo. Does god have enough hair to make plugs with when he starts going bald? Hell no. Smooth as the day he was born of himself to a virgin so he could sacrifice himself to himself in order to save you all from the original sin which he actually kinda made you do in the first place. And I thought my mother was good at convoluted psychology to make me feel guilty.

Or maybe that anal hair is just there to catch the fish.

What the fuck do I know, it’s nearly 2am and I have shit to do tomorrow.

Cyberpunk is one of those genres that is clearly defined by it’s elements. It’s always got some form of post humanism, some form of technology corrupting society, some form of secret cabal that controls the rest of the world, some form of societal degradation, and always, always there has been a massive shift in the economy to either total collapse, or brink of collapse with everything controlled by the aforementioned secret cabal.

I know that most of these posts on cybperunk have been concentrating on technology that already exists, and me calling out the scoffers who claim bullshit on the tech. Well, what about the societal concepts as well? Having been paying attention to the crap that’s going down both here and abroad lately, it’s beginning to make me seriously think that perhaps Ben Elton, William Gibson and Masamune Shirow were onto something. (more…)

We all love Science here at the Goth Club, oh yes we do. It gives us all kinds of wonderful things, like extra cyborg attachements, or a better reason to be a bastard to someone.

Lately, it’s also shown us why fewer women tend to be subs in these stereo typical relationships. You will notice in the example picture who is recieving pain: Not the woman.

Why?

As it turns out, women feel pain in a much more intense manner than men. Men focus on, and disregard, physical pain. Women (apparently) focus on the emotional side of it. For the average woman, this means a more intense sensation of pain as the memories of other past pains are dredged up.

Which leads me into why I would bother posting this here: Kermit th– no, I mean BDSM.

I’ve noticed that the women in my life seem to be much more interested in BDSM than the men in my life. Particularly the softer end of it, like pinching and spanking… although a few are into whips, and impressively large, unlubed butt plugs that they order off the net whilst drunk and then figure they’ll try it out anyway as otherwise it’s a waste of money and kind of end up enjoying it and then go and start a serious collecton of them.

Now this is almost always a sexualisation of the pain… and as someone that doesn’t really derive any particular satisfaction or great discomfort (or indeed sensation, due to some nerve damage, unless heat or pressure are applied) from these activities I have to admit I don’t get it. What is it about women finding emotionally, sexually satisfying contact, in low levels of pain and subjugation?

My theory is somewhat Freudian actually. Most woman find that the first male figure to care for them is their fathers, but this is the same figure that is likely to apply discipline. Both through emotional subjugation (yelling), and application of physical consequences for negative actions (spanking) to provide an over all positive outcome.

During formative years these messages basically get mixed together, leading some women to associate such behaviour with being cared for on an emotional level.

Conversely, we have it at the other end as well. Girls don’t rough and tumble as much as boys do whilst growing up, and when they do, they’re told off for it. So you have less likelihood for having “fun” that involves physical pain, as well as negative reinforcement against anything that might actually cause that pain, making physical pain less encountered, and therefore an experience that they are not familiar with, creating a feedback loop that makes it even less expected, and therefore more painful.

So anyway, as it turns out I need to make a rather large apology to my long term partner, Jaz. I always thought she was just an incredibly big pussy… A joke that’s much funnier if you know her, because she’s 6’1″, can bench 50kg without a hassle, and enjoys having sex with me. She’s also going to introduce me to my own friend pain after reading this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0KP87xkN_Q

Come on, you know it’s what exactly what goes on…