I was reading the newspaper again today. It’s a bad habit, I know, as there’s nothing more depressing than knowing what’s going on… well, other than maybe having to sit with a bunch of models going on about how fat they are at 5’11″ and 52kg, when you’re 6’0″ and getting close to three digits.

However, The Age newspaper posted an article on how university students are more likely to be depressed than other people “their age”.

Never mind the obvious fallacy that there’s some magical age for a university student, considering that many people in the second half of their lives are still going on to tertiary education. The obvious implication here is that they’re talking about undergraduates doing their first run. 18-25 year olds. Ok, that’s fair enough. But why are they more depressed and stressed out than other 18-25 year olds?

The obvious suggestion is that study is hard… Especially now that the student unionism no longer being compulsory means many campuses no longer give out free beer on a regular basis. And without all that beer, a lot of students simply aren’t getting the kilojoule intake required to keep functioning correctly! Seriously though, I highly doubt that. Even if it is somewhat less than a regular full time job, a university lifestyle does provide structure, eeps you occupied and keeps your brain nice and elastic while you find the time to make new positive social relationships and generally have fun. Exams and assignments may be stressful, but often less so than accidentally nailgunning a friends hand to a beam as an apprentice carpenter (although that does turn into a “You had to be there” anecdote later… I assume *cough*).

I’m going to go out on a limb here and hazard a guess by saying that the reason why university students, particular those cited in the article as being in the Medicien or Law faculties, are actually in that band of people of higher intellect than those that are not students. Numerous studies have shown correlations between higher intellectual capacity and rates of anxiety and depression. There’s plenty of anecdotal evidence too. Even in Sweden! And how could anyone be depressed there?!

Even before empirical method for research was a standard practice, this was basically a truism. Ernest Hemingway, who is noted as one of the finer writers of the modern era blew his brains out with a shotgun. Vincent Van Gogh shot himself too. Nikola Tesla died of heart failure that many believe to have been caused by a drug overdose. Alan Turing, one of the people instrumental to ensuring the freedom of the world we know and love today, scoffed down an LD of cyanide. Virginia Wolfe decided to go for a swim… with her coat on… with the pockets filled with rocks…

It goes on and on. Smart people off themselves all the time. Why is for another discussion entirely, although my personal theory on the subject is that smart people can actually see that a) things are not ok b) they’re frustrated by the fac tthey’er aware they’re powerless to stop it and c) they perceive everyone that is less intelligent than they are to be ok with the fucked up situtation that they find untenable… with the occasional d) consistently being mocked for not lowering themselves down to the average (this one is most consistently seen in primary & secondary school, but also in the workplace. Indeed, tertiary education is one of the few places this is rarely an issue). The point is that perhaps all of these university students are depressed and anxious simply because they actually know what the fuck is going on around them and wish it were different.

Is there a solution to their depression?

Fucking… For guys this is an obvious one, but it seems for women, exposure to semen makes you happier. That’s right ladies, being the proverbial cum dumpster is a road to happiness… No wonder all those prostitutes are so unhappy!

I’d say medication… Fukitol, or Brain Candy. Something that makes you feel good and numb and absolutely not caring about anything or their moral implications. Oh wait, that’s Prozac! Failing that, there’s always booze. After all, there does seem to be a noticeable correlation between the rates of university student depression and the lack of free alcohol on campus. Or maybe just not being covered in semen, like this guy.

But what the fuck would I know? I dropped out of uni and now rant to a crowd of mostly strangers on a Tuesday night about what me and a tentacle got up to on the weekend under the influence of inebriating substances as my therapy.

I just had a look at the top 10 search terms that bring first time readers to this blog. I do this every once in a while to see what is actually of interest to my non-regular readers. Personally, I would have assumed it would have been things such as much awesome custom cocktails, or perhaps some of my articles on cyberpunk fiction that is already a clear and present reality (or imminently pending) and why that makes cyberpunk a genre that people are less inclined to read lately.

But no, it’s none of those things.

It’s mostly Jude Law’s dick.

The GothClub’s Top 10 Most Searched Terms for First Time Visitors!

These are literally in the order of popularity by the way, and except for the last two, each have over a thousand first time visitors that have found the site through these…Thanks Google! It’s nice to know what you think my site is all about and who it’s relevant to in the eyes of search engine users.

1. jude law
2. avatar navi
3. navi porn
4. fucked to death
5. navi avatar
6. world of whorecraft
7. avatar sex
8. poire william
9. avatar navi porn
10. falcon punch

Holy shit, folks! Whilst Jude Law’s technically on top for a post I made about our society becoming like the film Gattaca, the combined weight of all the ones about navis actually outweighs Jude’s swinging non-blue cock by nearly 3:1.

I make one parody post about the missing sex scene from Avatar and the actual social implications of getting into some alien bush instead of actually negotiating for mineral rights, and somehow this becomes the most important thing for you first timers! It actually kind of makes me totally unsurprised that World of Whorecraft is on there (even though it was a post about living our lives in virtual simulations), because you clearly can’t deal with real porno (so I’ve linked it permanently for you to make your lives easier), and you figure Falcon Punching a woman is the best way to deal with any potential unwanted complications that may arise from your inter-species erotic capers.

That a liquor made it on there at all genuinely surprises me…

*facepalm*

Normally, I try to keep myself out of this blog. My own personal life is not as entertaining (well, with the exception of my standup comedy featuring tentacles) as my inane ranting.

But I figure this may well be of interest to many of you, my dear readers. You see, you may have pegged me as something of a nerd. A geek. As socially graceful as my wardrobe is filled with bright colours and matching patterns. Frankly, I’m not sure what gave it away. The constant science fiction references, that I currently run the Melbourne Anime Festival, the collection of vintage calculators and Atari 2600 cartridges… Aren’t these the trappings of normal people?

I digress… The point is that I’ve recently acquired the SF&F bookstore Of Science & Swords. (more…)

There are some films that are so awfully craptacularly pathetically bad, that they’re actually kind of cool.

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, anything by Ed Wood, and now One Eyed Monster.

(more…)

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